What I'm learning from H stages, myself!

[albamarie]

Thanks so much for all who gave me something to read on my post, it really helps to not feel so alone. I was loosing my battle of the tears by night fall and had a heart to heart with S24.

He gave me some insight into these "last name here" men going through his brothers, cousins, back to his uncles and grandfather. He helped me understand that though H is an extrem to the personality it is a "trait".

He helped remind me that H has always had the need to isolate himself and go into projects were nobody else was welcome. I was so busy with kids, homeschooling, house work, and all that momma stuff, that I was almost ok with his solitude.

S24 asked me if I'm almost to tears was I bluffing when I told H not to come home if he's going to keep treating me with disrespect. I said no, but I would prefer he not except my ultimatum. Wow, where did that come from!

He then asked what I do I want to accomplish by not having H home, because it seems to come with a whole new set of issues, ie - money...both, worry, hurt, homelessness (H), and the list goes on.

S24 said, ''Us kids don't really care either way, this is for you, he's your future, he's your S to grow old with, we will be moving on one day and you have to do what's best for you''.

It was a good talk...I didn't know it was hard for S24 to L or be L'ed, or even need it. Not to long after H called me...after 3 hours of sleeping in the SUV, eating cold tupperware food, and realizing he needed a bath, he did what he didn't think he would do, he called to come home.

He asked what do I have to do to come home, at that point I had already realized we're not ready for him to just up an leave, so I said talk to me, and just ask.

We spoke for 2hrs while he still sat in the car, even while out in front, it seemed easier to open up. H was very impressed with my conviction and approach at his work, I left him feeling inadequate to even speak in defense of himself, he felt my strength and he knew I ment/mean it! He forgot how I look outside of the our home, he didn't recognize me until I was in his face speaking.

It opened a new way of how he spoke to me, very much like when we met and would have a battle of wit, only no battle, but finally as the educated man I know he is. He opened up alot, he was very sharing of his MLC mind.

I prayed, that's when I did let the tears out, I prayed for him to come home safe, and for us to be able to relate to each other with respect, and with a hint of who we are as family, not M, just as family, my prayers were heard!

I'm not quitting, there is no miracle, and tomorrow is a new day that will come with it's own challenges.