Newbie...reluctantly...

[adinva]

My h of 14 years together, 9 years married, told me on the 10th of this month that he was not happy, placing all blame on me that he wanted a divorce.

So sorry. This is one of the worst things imaginable to hear.

I in turn could not believe we were having this conversation as at that time we were trying to have another child. H informed me he had not been happy for 3-4 years and blamed it all on me. We have a 17 month old son. H works away a great deal of the time mon-fri. I do not doubt that we were having issues surrounding my resentment of feeling like a single parent most of the time. Also stressed about having a sexless marriage (wish I had found that book sooner). H kept track and we had sex 7 times in teh fifteen months after s birth.

It's amazing how you think your marriage can survive even though people tell you they're warning signs, and then all of a sudden you realize they really were warning signs. It sounds like H couldn't communicate to you what might have been making him unhappy so he just didn't say, and tried to bury it until it exploded. That's kind of what my H did.

I love my husband a great deal, this is not the man he is or the man I married, I am in ic at this time and have gone twice. I read all of dr yesterday and am on my path, I think I was getting to this pth already.

That's good. What resonated in DR for you? What matched the path you were on? Can you believe that you will be OK no matter what? This is a horrible way to possibly get a chance at having a better life and better relationships.

My question at this time was that I cleaned outhe cupboards and frig because h is coming to take out trash on Saturday during visit and I set aside items for h, is this a good idea or not.

It sounds like a nice thing to do.

He is out of the home bounching from hotel room to room, I don't think he is with ow at this time but I do think he is having a mid-life crisis. He was calling me the day before he told me he wanted a divorce to ask if I needed anything at the store, a month a go trying to have a baby and the weekend before helped me at my parents house. THen he decides he is done, life is too short, his mother is sick, he bought a new truck, might be going to see an attorney, told no one and spoke with two strangers about iut, has yet to tell his fam. My h is not this man he is fair reasonable and caring.

Does sound like a MLC, but be careful not to overlook things that need to be repaired in your relationship. If it's just an "alien abduction" then you have no power to change or grow from the experience. Usually there's something you can learn about yourself.

Will not consider counsleling at this time and has not made one comment of his fault in it all.

Way too soon for him to admit fault, he's still in justifying mode. Don't expect it or be hurt that it isn't forthcoming. And counseling at this point is often just "checking the box" to show he tried; if he doesn't attend with full desire to work on the marriage it's not going to help anyway.

the first day I begged aI am done with that now, no longer hold his hadnd or trying to make life easier for him. I need to get my life in order for myself. And make me desirable to him. Advice and support is needed now.

You're starting out pretty well, not begging and taking a step back. Take care of yourself as much as possible, and try to appear as if you will be just fine. The alternative does NOT bring them back, but feeling the loss might possibly. A WAS needs space to stop justifying what they're doing and start absorbing what they have done. Become detached, so you are content no matter what he does, and keep the road home paved and smooth by not antagonizing or punishing. Good luck, and keep journaling here. The more you post the sooner you get off moderation.