Living, Getting the Paperwork Started (20 months)

[adinva]

Feeling pretty anxious. Just sat down with S15. I asked him if he knew the penalties if the stuff on the kitchen counter was found.

He said he did not. I asked if they didn't teach him that in D.A.R.E., but he said no. So I read from the state law, up to 6 months in jail, up to $500 fine, for a first offense. Plus suspended license min 6 months.

I asked if he knew what happened for a single drug offense if you don't have your license yet. He could not guess. The DMV says you don't get your license at least until age 18. So, he'd be getting rides from mom and having to explain why he doesn't have a license yet, for a first offense.

I asked if he knew what would happen to his making the lacrosse team if this stuff on the counter was found. He said yeah. He said he does want to play lacrosse.

I asked if he likes how the stuff makes him feel? He said I guess so. I said there are lots of people who don't like it, it makes them feel sleepy or stupid, and he could just tell his friends he just doesn't like how it makes him feel. He could tell them his parents threatened to drug-test him. He knows he'll be in situations where he's with other people doing drugs, and he can have some ideas of things to say.

I read from a lawyer's website that if you're in a car and there's pot in the car, everyone in the car can get charged with possession. I pointed out that when he hangs out in his friends' car at the basketball game or the McD's parking lot, that is what people assume he's doing, and the police do go checking cars that people are hanging out in. I wanted him to know the risks he's taking.

I told him the penalty for lying to a police officer is up to 12 months, plus the drug charges. These are things I looked up because I didn't know the answers and I wondered if he knew the answers or would be surprised by them.

Then I told him that his dad and I had different experiences that affect how we see this issue. For his dad, as he knows, there is no respect for drug use and no understanding of why anyone would do it, and he will take extreme measures if necessary. From taking away privileges to drug testing to possible military school. He needs to understand that it's not just my decision.

I also explained to him how dumb his story was, as I could see in the fridge exactly where the bottle came from that he used to make the bong that supposedly a friend brought over. I told him that I respected him and would like to trust him, and I know we've talked before about him wanting me to believe and trust what he says. So I told him, that story was almost an insult, and I'm going to assume he's lying about this stuff, and that his friends are, and I'm not planning to put him in a position to "force" him to lie, just don't do it anymore.

I asked him what he's going to do differently starting now, and he said he'll tell his friends they can't smoke in our house anymore. That's a start. I added that there won't be any more lighters, candles, "Axe wars", "Febreze wars" and other of the common cover-ups they've been doing down there.

I don't think we're done yet, and I meant to do more listening, and I hope I haven't damaged our coparenting H and I by trying to talk to S first. I may need to get tougher but I didn't want to come out of the gate with my heaviest artillery. I'm hoping that I opened S15's eyes just a little.