I've been reading up on the forums and benefitting from seeing how people deal with their R difficulties.
I'm recently D from my W of 16 years. Last spring I told her I was finished, and by the time I realized that is not what I really wanted she had decided to leave. WHY did you leave her? How did she handle it, then?
Have you truly owned up to the damage that did to HER? How so?
She had no interest in discussing it further, and pleading from me, just lead to more distancing from her. She moved out in April. Spent the summer trying to give her space, and work on my own sense of well being. Went to IC. Approached her in the fall to discuss reconciling. How have YOU CHANGED? I don't mean you now want something different, now, but how are you a better/different h than before?
How can she know you won't "feel differently" about the marriage again, and want out?
Still no interest. She filed for D in October, and it is now final. We have one S, 9, and split the parenting.
I still hold hope for reconciliation. I've begun DB phone calls, and they've helped me stay positive and not apply pressure to her, things I want to do, but have difficulty with. Such as what? What are your 180s?
Do any in the forums know how common or rare it is for couples to get back together after getting this far? I find myself thinking I'm just delusional about any future chance between us. I guess I'm looking for success stories or at least some hint that post-divorce reconciliation is possible.
A third of divorces filed in California do not get finalized. Surely some of those reconciled.
I know 2 people who remarried their former spouses after divorces were final, but both did not remarry until at least a few years had passed.
Success stories do not make the "statistical news" the way divorces do, so there is an inherent bias in the statistics, so don't rely on any of those.
I really need to know why you left her, then changed your mind and how much of the damage you are willing to own and how much reassurances you have given her that you are a changed man who won't devastate her again.
Don't minimize the pain you caused her. You are here acting as if you are the LBSer, but you created this. Sure, NOW you are the left behind, but
I need to know why you created this storm in the first place, and whether you really "get it".
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
