i think we all wrestle with the fear of not being good enough and no one wanting us, or our own self esteem-which certainly takes a beating. Some days are low and some days I have everything I need, because I have placed my H outside of the circle.
Sure, we all contribute to the demises of our Relationship, we can see the mistakes we made, for sure, but I always come back to what my IC said the first time I saw her. We will never interact the exact same way with another person the way we did with spouse. The things we say and the things we do will impact a new partner differently.
The really great thing is that we got to learn. We got to look at ourselves in a really harsh light and most of us gritted our teeth and looked at the ways we could be better; better for our WAS, but then better for us, better for our kids, better all round. And while I know we GAL and PMA and 180 for "us" ,we all do it at first in hopes that our S's will be back in our lives. When they are not, we are left with a better understanding of who we are. We have new friends, a newfound respect for who we are, and better relationships with everyone we love.
So now Busting is going to allow the fears and doubts to creep in, but she is going to confront them for what they are, simply ghosts that will haunt from time to time, but have no power to affect your life unless you let them. Same with H, he can only haunt your thoughts if you let him. Acknowledge these thoughts, vent here, and remember-this is your life now. No one else's
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