what does she mean by not being spiritually connected?
Sandi, the timing of you asking me this question is unbelieveable considering that was posted about a month ago.
The reason I say unbelieveable is because this topic came out of our MC session last week. We have been in MC since October and honestly I felt the counselor (who is pro marriage) has been doing a good job but just seemed things were going no where. Not bad or good. Just steady. No big breakthroughs. A couple of weeks ago in our MC session the counselor basically boiled down our relationship issues to us only emotionally connecting around the kids. I agree that in recent years that has been our main emotional connection but felt there was more to it than that. After that session W indicated she felt we made a "breakthrough" and we should both consider other ways in which to emotionally connect.
Onto the next session this past week. The counselor had asked us to think of other ways we might be emotionally connected or could become emotionally connected. I had about 8 or 9 and W pretty much shot down all but 2. During the session W had none but then again I kind of dominated the one hour. W commented afterwards that I kind of filled up the hour because typically I'm not a big talker. W said she was ok that I really took the floor. Regardless of W's thoughts on my 8 or 9 areas of emotionally connecting we both agreed it was a very good discussion and opened up a lot for us. There are no right or wrong answers to what people feel.
Immediately after the session W and I talked further. I said was there other ways in which we have emotionally connected or other ways you would like us to connect emotionally. She said spiritually. I said to her if we did not connect spiritually would that bring an end to the marriage. W said something like "I think so, yes". I thought ok, this is some more clarity. She had mentioned this way back at beginning of sitch but also said many other things. I have been aware this is important to her and have not disregared since sitch began and have been trying to make that connection with her. It's just that she doesn't seem to give me a chance to have such a discussion. She is more comfortable in spirtual discussions with some friends but not me. I think prior to sitch, looking back, she was at times reaching out to me to make this connection and talk about it and I didn't give it that much importance. Didn't allow conversations to go deeper. This likely created resentment for my W.
My W's spirituality is not mainstream. It's really not that "way out" there either. I am ok with this. I am quite open to most beliefs. For me spirituality is not only beliefs but how you carry yourself in life and treat others. I guess I just never got into deep conversations with anyone about it. But it is something that is important to W and something she wants to talk about (and of course I just didn't see that). She just doesn't seem to be able to open up with me about that but I do believe she is making some efforts during past 3 months and maybe making some progress. Based on her comment after MC session and just my gut feel tells me she still doesn't feel spiritually connected to me.
I think our emotional connection issues go deeper than a specific area (spiritual connection). Looking back I see that our emotional communications was broken in some ways. In other ways, not broken. Mainly, how we would have a conversation around emotions. Not understanding each other and misinterpreting each other. Also, making assumptions. I think it is really important to understand your spouses viewpoint and what's behind the words they are saying. That goes both ways for W and I. I have learned this only recently.
Since the counseling session 2 weeks ago I have started looking further at our emotional connection and our communications and can see how this was broken. Currently reading a book "Hold Me Tight" that has themes that really ring true for us.
Pretty long answer for a single question. Thanks for asking it Sandi. It was very insightful. And thanks for reading back through my thread.
