I was back to "normal, happy" self when they got back.
Mm...you held it together in front of her. Kudos.
I sobbed uncontrollably in front of my H this summer. He said, "I hate to see you like this." I wouldn't recommend it. He went to see a lawyer two days later.
When they see you in such pain and know they caused it they want to run away from you. I think you did well in being normal and happy in front of her. Not to minimize your personal grief.
Hang in there, rH
So true! One of the things that helps me, is to understand that our spouses are not doing this to hurt us, they are doing what they feel they need to do for themselves, after having their great awakening. Any pain they cause others actually guilts and grieves them, so you definitely don't want to add to it. This is why the DB advice is to keep the family out of it. It only adds more guilt and pressure.
"Fake it 'til you make it" is extremely tough, but it's what we must do. It took me months to start feeling like I was making progress with this, and not faking it so much, and I still have backslides every week or so. The goal is to build your life to the point that you are no longer faking it... your spouse can tell the difference.
Your doing well Mn. Think of yourself as a rock for your M and your family while W is on her journey. Keep at it and keep posting.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
