hi- i keep thinking and thinking aobut you as i go about my day.
i was just thinking about you saying you had to stop yourself from calling and holding out some kind of hope for middle ground., or that your head was pounding and you were endeavoring not to cry- and you truly believe he needs to "get the message" here.
it's soo hard- i cannot imagine , hardly, since i don't have the guts to go doit myself. if it feels right to be strong - then yay for you and your convictions and strength to implement it.
BUT I'M THINKING here- and i'm thinking about you and who you are- and your soft-heartedness and so on - and things we both agree on - like almost everything. and i'm wondering to myself and now to yourself and thinking :
do not be too hard on you or your expectations to be for perfection in this giant step. you are trying what you think you need to- no body is going to judge (or shouldn't) if you don't do it perfectly (whatever that would be) - if you backslide- or do it a different way- or hold out hope because it is in your heart and nature to do it-
you can always re-do it til you get it rite- (OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT). I'M TRYING TO SAY here - be who you are- do it in your own way- failure or success- you will be the person who took the chance- took the stand- tried something new or different- either way- you will be person taking you8r lumps for it or feeling the glow of success. NO ONE has any right to tell you how to do it- it's your show. you pay the piper - so do it to your own tune...
me- i fiddle and backslide and wonder and sit on the fence- i drive everyone i know crazy most probably- tho they are too kind to say so. i figure tho- at the end of the day i'm the person who takes alllllll the responsibility and reaps allllll the fallout or benefit- not them.
soooo- you be you- do what you feel- dno't be too hard on self- blubber away if ya gotta - call if you have to- i don't think there is any right or wrong way to handle it all- this all- this mlc sh_t - it's awful and the only one you have to look in the mirror at the end of this journey and be satisfied with the actions of - is you. only you-
so be who you are- and don't worry if possible. "u r dawn" ta da ....
so, if that made sense to you then yay- i find myuself worrying allll the time about all the "rules" out there in mlc land - and strategy and mwd and in the end- i'm the one that will be dumped or find some kind of r with this guy- nobody else.
no body else will be there with me- or really really has their life at stake like you or me- soooo - be you and do whatchagotta.
hang in there- hope nite wasn't too awful- remember there usually will be tomorrow- and we can alwasy try again then, to do better, change something, WHATEVER -
