Yes, it does make me feel better. It lets me get away from the crazy-making. I don't feel so "used." It makes me feel like I'm not powerless and I do have some control, that I don't have to just sit there and deal with whatever he dishes out or demands of me. I don't have to listen to him jabber on about his day, as if I care, when I couldn't give a flying flip. I'm also able to be productive toward my own interests, and my day doesn't have to be "all about him." It is awkward, it is weird. I love the days when he's at work. But until S12 is off and I can get a traveling job, it's the best I can get right now.
Quote:
He used to put more effort in than he does now. But isn't that every marriage?
Certainly it's the failed M's, anyway. There's also a difference between "he used to sweep you off your feet" and "he doesn't even meet your basic needs." There is something in-between. He doesn't have to be everything he was when you were dating; few are able to accomplish that. But he doesn't get to stop "caring."
I've never been very good at justifying something because "everybody else does it." There's some definitive rights and wrongs that don't change just because it's popular or not. I get that you believe/recognize your contribution to the problem. It may be that you could have turned the tides rather easily by just stepping up a bit. I don't know, but personally I doubt it. Your H doesn't seem very responsive to your requests now, and you've been pretty loud and clear, I'm thinking. Certainly he can't miss the fact that you've left. Yet other than lip-service, has he reacted? I don't think so.
I'm sure part of my discussion on this is fueled by my own sitch. I can relate to much of what you're saying, about co-dependency, not speaking up, not enforcing boundaries well. My issue with this, though, is I don't like the person I've had to become in order to accomplish communicating my needs to H. I don't like to have to issue ultimatums, threats, tit-for-tats, punishments, repeat myself 100 times, whatever, just in order to get his attention. Because I can't just say, "H would you please do X for me? It's very important to me and I'd really appreciate it," and actually have him respond. I don't like the "me" I have to be to get my needs met by him. I simply meet them myself and then I still like me. The only problem is them I'm not left with any reason to like him.
