Need to let go

[littleGTO]

Tori,
It is good to review my 180s--not taking things for granted, specifically things he did around the house. He needed WoA & I was not good at that. I do that naturally now. I thank him for everything-genuinely.

I also compliment him whenever possible- I like your new sweater. You smell good. You are doing a great job with the boys. etc, etc, etc.

I also have the mantra "Don't sweat the small stuff." I realized I like to be in control and that even the little stuff had to be a certain way. I have done a BIG 180 with that. I really let a lot of things go or let H or boys decide.

And decisions regarding the boys were mostly mind. If H offered his opinions and I didn't agree, I most always trumped his. Now, I really listen and try to reach a mutual decision or if I don't have really strong feelings about something I let H decide.

I also think I am becoming a much better listener and often hold my tongue and really try to think if what I have to say will help our sitch at all. If not, I try not to say it. I'm definitely not perfect here, but I'm really working on it.

I was emotionally not there for H last Jan/Feb due to some health problems (minor) and the "winter blues" I have gone through each year. He started talking daily to a co-worker who was struggling in her own M. He felt she really listened to him, gave him WoA that he wasn't getting from me and she needed him to rescue her from her verbally abusive H. He didn't feel appreciated or needed at home. (So far from the truth, but that is how he felt.)

His mom was also told in February that she would be battling ovarian cancer the rest of her life. Well, that was just 1 year after she had been diagnosed & we realized that meant she wasn't going to recover & that she had a small inite amount of time left.

PoN, I have read DB and DR. I have highlighted parts and wrote my own notes everywhere. I know I need to revisit them both from time to time to remind myself what I need to be doing. Why do you question this?