Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[25yearsmlc]

And oh, I don't begrudge the child support,


YES - YOU - DO !

You whined that it would last until he's 18 ('"not so temporary, eh??")

OR Longer, for his special medical needs -- which you then mocked.

I don't have amnesia. I think you might.

Maybe it's not "cognitive dissonance."

Maybe you just lie to yourself & others so much, that you come to believe the lies.

I really didn't want to say that, but it seems as if it needs saying.



I begrudge the fact that the amount is so big, that even if W wanted to spend all the money in a month she physically couldn't. It is not materially possible to spend it all for a toddler. It represents the equivalent of 3000 diapers, 1600 meals, 200 lbs of clothes, one roomfull of toys and 50 child medical appointments. Every month.


It's rare to meet a man who thinks he does NOT pay too much. But most men realize that children are not merely the total of the items you list above.

and God forbid you add in, or even imagine another reason for the costs...you add up the costs of a toddler in diapers and food/clotes and a few toys.
This is what "little Bruce =" to you. A sum of items...

All the tangibles YOU think come with having a son...bummer that he's also a son with medical needs beyond the norm.

Let's be clear.

While you can live in a studio apartment or even a one bedroom, your w cannot.

You're so mad she lives with her parents...but then, when she moves out, (her gaining freedom will infuriate you more I'm sure.) But HER costs will increase.

Getting her own place with your son will have to be big enough for her son AND her AND be near a good school

NOT downtown (so there will be transportation costs) and she'll need to live in an area with low crime and with some grassy play areas or a park nearby. Her utility costs will all be higher too.

Depending on how well your son does medically, she may also need to take him to the doctors often, (time off work or school) OR live near a medical facility.

ALL Those^^ things cost more.

Never mind that she'll need a sitter every time she wants to do an errand, or when she is sick (B/c I doubt she'll be calling you) And never mind how hard this is to do while in school. I would HOPE your inlaws will watch him til she finishes...but who knows?

Since I finished law school after having a baby, but with only one semester left, I know how hard it is to study with a baby around. Oh, but I had a husband who liked our son and was good with him. He helped. When he could not, my mom helped, thank God.

I cannot imagine a 4 year program and a baby/toddler. God help her.

You said YOU were the one who wanted to have children. Did it never occur to you that they cost money?

Oh, and he has some medical conditions too, conditions you know so little about that you cannot discuss them here. Well, You can pooh pooh them, of course. Which you have.

You can complain, before it ever happens IF it ever happens, about him benefitting at all from any "extra" money she spends ON HIM..

(THINK...would you rather she spend child support money on herself or OMs in her life??)

He only "needs" diapers, food, clothes and MAYBE some toys...nothing more....to live.

If your son is good at a musical instrument, or has a talent that costs money to nurture, it's called a blessing, not a burden.

BUT of course all this assumes it does NOT go to his medical needs AND OR the complicated items and restrictions his diet and lifestyle will cost. Has any of that occurred to you, or just the costs TO YOU?

Get some empathy skills. I don't get you at all.

The more I hear you talk about little Bruce, i.e., the cost of supporting him, the "effort" you put into caring for him a few hours a week, how hard/painful all this is on YOU

and how SHE "is still angry and bitter" at you b/c she won't see you in person...which stuns you,

the more I think maybe Bruce is better off with her mostly. Your discussion about how he is your buddy sure lost its' effect when you bemoan the unfair cost.

I do not believe she is "very emotionally unbalanced" to be angry at you now, 99% of spouses are mad after a court hearing, as we told you...and no, I don't believe she must be brainwashed by her bitter hateful parents. I think they're furious at you too.

and like we said, it's far too soon to expect anything but anger and pain from her (and her parents, who have had their lives turned upside down thanks to the failure of your marriage. You are enraged at them and even now you want to blame THEM...)

B,
did it ever occur to you, that they may Not appreciate having their retirement years spent raising their grandson, and helping their d finish college,

which I think she began long ago - when she met you???

You once said SHE BELIEVES you care too much about money & things, and not enough about family. You scoffed at the mere notion. But man,

Read YOUR own words.

The vast bulk of your complaints, and there are a lot of them!!, are about how much HE/SHE costs you...and for how long...and how UNFAIR all this is, to YOU. AND here's a newsflash. Where are all the complaints about not enough time with your son? I think I saw one...maybe...



I'm asked to pay unrealistic amounts, that's all I'm saying.

Oh Bruce, You are saying so much more than that^^^.

You cannot hear me. That is clear. I don't know what to suggest to you now other than having a change of heart that is bigger than seems possible.

I'd urge you to attend therapy in a healthy divorce group that meets often, and or to go to a 2-4 day workshop for personal growth. It's more efficient than weekly sessions, and you need to make a MAJOR paradigm shift.

(Check out Essential Experience, -aka "EE", which is excellent, or "Life Spring", which I've heard good things about, or maybe Imago. They all have websites for upcoming sessions and events.

"EE" is among the finest, but it's in Philadelphia. Then again, I just did it again, and flew in from the west coast to do it). If you go to one, LISTEN to them.

THey provide a safe place for growth, so don't resist anything that makes you uncomfortable. Usually that is something you need to work on...

But One hour a week with a therapist, hasn't done it for you. And you are running out of time---because

We don't know you except for what YOU post here. But If you come off to US this way, then imagine how you'll be seen in court...