If you would like to continue to post ups and downs in your life, that will remain what this board is for.
Cool, I now I still could get feedback on life issues for you guys so I'll stick around. Also, if I see someone I think my perspective could help I'll say my peace...Thx Kaffe
My plan also includes finding love again. My plan still includes the potential of finding love with my ex again. But I now know that it will be a very long road. And more importantly I do not need to alter my path for that potential. The path I am on now is not about a final goal of getting back together with her now. She is a part of my path. She is one of the things I want in my life. But she is not the determiner of my happiness. She can be part of that happiness, but she can not determine it.
I wanted to say that I am really getting a lot from your thread....you are doing a great job on setting your goals! This is where I am striving to be....getting back to the me I have always know was in there, and letting my actions take me to where I want to be! I still miss the family I had, each and every day....I say my prayers, and can only hope that one day that I might have that opportunity to piece things back together with my ex.....But I have a lot to do in the mean time...and just as you said, I want her as a part of it, not the sole determiner of it! Keep up the great progress! She is bound to take a look back eventually and notice the light shining from you life!
M 52 W 40 D 15 (step) S 12 (step) Married 7, together almost 8 Separated 1 year before bomb from her "I love you, I'm just..." BD final 8/22/12
Thx JJAC2005, I'm glad you are getting something from it. Starting with all the goals was difficult thus I started with little things - little things that gave quick confirmation of progress. Basically I started with the easy things. I knew it would be a long road to gaining all the weight I wanted so I just counted my calories daily - it was a way to set short term goals that could be quickly reached and easily recognized. Try to find these types of short term goals for you as well. We all need recognition and confirmation. If you don't get it from others then give it to yourself.
Congrats on getting your license and I think it is great that you apologized to your first wife and the response that you got from her.
If Kaffe Diem sees this he will be proud that you took his advice.
How does it make you feel?
It (apologizing to X1) felt good, it was healing. I was surprised that I got a reply at all, never mind such a nice reply. I can tell she has "grown" in our time apart. Asking me to let her know how I am doing from time to time also was not what I expected. Being remarried and having a young daughter - she seems happy from the response.
Another big thing I'll be doing shortly will be contacting X2's X1 (my second wife's first ex). HE went through a lot of pain on the reconnection of his wife with her high-school sweetheart. Not sure if I mentioned this but shortly after my divorce he noted that at some point he'd like to have a talk. The subject matter was obvious and I let him know when I was ready I'd offer him the opportunity. After I get my SUV next weekend I'm going to send him a quick text and let him know if he still has an interest in the chat then I am available.
My plan is this - if he still has a need to talk I am completely open to that and will offer my time. I plan to allow him to say his peace. I know it will go fine, we have had enough contact over the past years that I know no one will get rude. My question is this: Other than giving him the time to say whatever it is he wants to I don't plan to do the same in return. I honestly don't have a need to share anything with him. If he has any direct questions of me, no matter how personal, I will respond honestly. Of course, if any of the questions have to do with the who/what/where/why/how's of my ex then I will let him know that's a question to ask her, not me. But, back to my original question. Once he shares all he needs to, and I respond to any direct questions he may have, I don't plan to add anything extra. I don't plan to share my feelings or to state my case, to seek redemption, etc.
I'm not taking this position because of anything negative or that I feel bad or anything like that. I just simply don't have the need to do that with him. He seemed to need to share what was in him and I simply plan to allow him to do that.
HE went through a lot of pain on the reconnection of his wife with her high-school sweetheart.
I see that I capitalized "he". Usually doing this has a reason behind it but it was just a typing mistake. No big deal, just didn't wan to confuse things. Would be nice to have edit permissions...
It (apologizing to X1) felt good, it was healing. I was surprised that I got a reply at all, never mind such a nice reply. I can tell she has "grown" in our time apart. Asking me to let her know how I am doing from time to time also was not what I expected. Being remarried and having a young daughter - she seems happy from the response.
Another big thing I'll be doing shortly will be contacting X2's X1 (my second wife's first ex). HE went through a lot of pain on the reconnection of his wife with her high-school sweetheart. Not sure if I mentioned this but shortly after my divorce he noted that at some point he'd like to have a talk. The subject matter was obvious and I let him know when I was ready I'd offer him the opportunity. After I get my SUV next weekend I'm going to send him a quick text and let him know if he still has an interest in the chat then I am available.
My plan is this - if he still has a need to talk I am completely open to that and will offer my time. I plan to allow him to say his peace. I know it will go fine, we have had enough contact over the past years that I know no one will get rude. My question is this: Other than giving him the time to say whatever it is he wants to I don't plan to do the same in return. I honestly don't have a need to share anything with him. If he has any direct questions of me, no matter how personal, I will respond honestly. Of course, if any of the questions have to do with the who/what/where/why/how's of my ex then I will let him know that's a question to ask her, not me. But, back to my original question. Once he shares all he needs to, and I respond to any direct questions he may have, I don't plan to add anything extra. I don't plan to share my feelings or to state my case, to seek redemption, etc.
I'm not taking this position because of anything negative or that I feel bad or anything like that. I just simply don't have the need to do that with him. He seemed to need to share what was in him and I simply plan to allow him to do that.
Thoughts? [/quote] This sounded like a good plan. As long as what you have written is true and you can do this just for him it will be fine.
It is possible that he will not want to talk to you anymore. As it has been many years since this has happened.
On a different note I was surprised that you did not question my last post on your license. As that was not something you mentioned on this board.
