Compliments & Passive Aggressiveness..Work to do!

[SM34]

Adinva, suckerpunch, and 25, thank you SO much for the insight. Before we move onto Adinva and 25's posts, let me first say SuckerPunch than you for all that detail! I was actually referencing your thread when I wrote a response to MrBond about what I was trying to learn in terms of compliments.

SuckerPunch I think you are doing a great job man! I always find similarities between us, and sometimes it seems our journeys run parallel.

Adinva, and 25 you bring up very interesting points. Please know that you cannot offend me, because i know very well that you are only trying to help! And you are doing a great job with it too. i think I am vastly different to that guy who's world exploded in November.

I see what you mean about wanting to have instruction. Having thought about this for most of the day now, I think I was actually much more confident in myself before the BD. Since then I think I may just have my pants on too tight

I don't think anyone has ever said I was socially awkward. Even my W who is a social butterfly and has hundreds of friends has not ever said that before. When we go to parties or wedding etc... I tend to gravitate towards men who are also techie, nerdy, science type people like me.

During these social interactions, I think I am a little shy and reserved, but not awkward. I can read facial expressions quite well, and I can actually be quite funny!

I used to be the prankster comedian guy in high school. 25 you were saying what culture I am from? My parents are Middle Eastern (we are from the Christian minority in Egypt). However, I grew up in Dubai and went to a small private British high school with the kids of all the British oil engineers and Embassy staff etc.. that live over there.

My wife and I watched a documentary about aspergers on TV one day. We both started looking at each other as if to say, hey is that me? Then we both laughed about it, and my W said no, thats not you babe. Those folks are very awkward and she didn't think I fit that.

But, I remember grabbing the laptop right then and there and taking an online test. It came out negative. It is a spectrum though, so I may not be IN the spectrum but I might be just outside it.

The thing is I was much different when i was in high school. I was very social, and was very popular, was invited to all the parties etc.. and went around with the in crowd.

When I moved here to go to college at 17, on my own in a foreign culture, I started to be a little more reserved and shy. People didn't get my British humor, and really I didn't understand their American humor either. What used to be how i broke the ice, became useless

I think I can see where you both (Adinva and 25) may get the sense that I might be somewhat awkward because i ask too much of the how to's etc.. But i would attribute that more to having a scientific and analytical mind. I was always the science analytical guy, and my W the social arty one. She is a graphic designer (school) so we compliment each other in terms of the way we are. But then we share A LOT of common interests which is nice too.

Honestly I truely believe I have gotten my panties in a knot as they say. I never used to be like this!

Laurie advised that I stay off the boards, or at least read only but not write posts for a while. I think she could sense this, and wanted me to focus on what she wanted me to do, and focus on just being myself.

My fell in love with me once upon a time right? She was with me for 9 years before we got married, so it wasn't like she didn't know who I was. I mean she must love the way I am, so I can't be all that bad. I really just used to pay much more attention to her for the first 10 or 11 years of our relationship but since D3 was born and things got tight at work, we both started to get really stressed out.

Like I said before, our release was vacations and travel which is sometime we both LOVE. We haven't done that in way too long. In fact, we had a plan to get away from everything in October for our wedding anniversary but then we couldn't go all out like we wanted. We decided not to do a mini vacation and instead hold off until we could do something big. Kicking myself for that now!!

We always connect deeply on vacations, just the two of us, alone. We are the type that stay in a fancy hotel and snuggle and watch TV and order room service, and choose the most gourmet stuff they have, and order way too much food for two people. But thats how we kept it going, and kept ourselves in love. Anyway, there is no sense in coulda woulda shoula talk now.

Whats important is the road ahead. Trying to stay positive.

There are positive signs in my W's 'choices' as Laurie says. She seems to choose time with my much more than before. Like this morning she made a point to see she will be gone for the night, but will be back IN THE MORNING to spend Sunday with "us".

You probably read my earlier post about the possible strains on the R with OM, and how he doesn't seem to trust her. But she doesn't really show any other signs of having changed her mind or even being not sure or anything like that. Thats normal right?

This is a marathon SM, not a sprint. Pace yourself. Keep working at bettering yourself.