Just popping in to see how things are with you, Navy.
5 times a year? For some, that might work. Your reason for accepting that in your life is your own. That you are changing your mind on that, is something you may want to look at. Why would that change, now?
My "needs" being met was much, much, much more frequent than that. I generally had that in my M. Did I really need the sex? IDK. Maybe what I really need is the closeness of a warm body. A feeling of intimacy, even without the sex. Although... one thing generally leads to the next...
What I'm getting at is, the sex may not be the important part, as much as the need to feel love and connection. Sex really is just procreation. Love and connection, being emotionally and physically connected and also intimate with another... even without the sex, may be all you need / want/
Why would you have ever expected something different from your W over the years? Why would you expect (that really means "hope for") something different in the M, in the future?
If that really wasn't something important for you, then you could go live in a bush by yourself as a hermit. Same goes for your W. Does she really not need to feel love and connection? Or is she getting the love and connection she needs, even though it does not lead to sex...
Or perhaps... all she really ever wanted was to feel safe, in which case the love, connection and sexual intimacy was only her way of giving to you what you demanded, when she felt her security was at risk...
like it is when you let her know you pull away...
She's negotiating with you, without using words. You've accepted the terms, for what ever those reasons are...
That may never change... That may be something you will continue to live with, unless your W suddenly found interest in more than just security...
FYI, the general transit of human needs according to one well known personality is: + Certainty/Comfort + Variety + Significance + Connection/Love + Growth + Contribution
We all generally move along this cycle, although we have a specific need we may be more drawn to.
How it relates to your sitch, past and future, could at least prove enlightening. It still remains both parties who need to continue to work on the M because they feel it provides them with value.
