1) You absolutely DO NOT have to sit and let it happen. That's the whole benefit of DB! You should be out doing something positive with yourself....movie night with friends at your house, cooking, working out, day trips. Expand your life. Here's one "challenge" for you to try if you want. Tomorrow ask one or two friends over and cook dinner together. Preferably try to grill outside. (OK, that last part might be just for a tweak on his nose for no good reason but you get the point)
2) I'm so sorry to say this, but your old life is gone forever, really, it just is. Everything has changed. The good news is that you have a whole new life ahead of you! It will be a great life, so fulfilling and meaningful. I can tell this just by your posts. Your husband may be part of it...and he'd be a fool not to be. But he may not be. You need to get going on creating your new life and not wait for him....... you may well discover that he is swept along in with it.
3) How do I know the affair will implode? I had an affair...I have some experience.
a)History shows that the odds are simply against it
b)Affairs are a relationship completely devoid of reality. That's why they are so appealing at first. You are only together for the positive parts of the relationship. Once the affair faces the real world, toilet seats left up, dirty laundry, nose picking, farting, uncapped toothpaste, unpaid bills....both parties realize "hey this relationship is the same as my old one, just a little different" then its like "well if its the same why am I here?"
c)Taking an affair relationship into the real world is like starting out on a transoceanic journey with a half sunk ship.
You know how hard a relationship is to keep healthy, vital and growing, right?
Now imagine starting a new one founded on deception and lies, with the burden of money woes, balancing children's needs, potential step children's needs, ex-spouses, lost friendships, lost family, new extended potential family members, new friends, work, cars, houses.....all while never having done anything to resolve your own inner turmoils that got you there in the first place and no shared history to fall back on. holy sh*t I just scared myself again.
Now having said all that affairs are like heroin, no really its addictive. At some point the addict has to accept that its the heroin causing the problem and CHOOSE to do the hard work it takes to get clean. That can take a long time and the fall could be very far. Just like an addict, you can't force him to choose to get clean and he may never. That's why you have to take care of you and keep the road back clear, but with appropriate boundaries.
