Less lonely, not scared..low on patience

[JBolt]

Thanks everyone, really. It is somehow comforting and eerie that others have and are going through such similar experiences. One that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, not that I have any of those

I understand now when they say the opposite of love is not hate, but indifference. So painful, I would almost rather she hated me. The truth is, I only hear the spew when our conversations turn to OR (her doing) or what ever version of our R she is fashioning to justify the extreme anger she has for me. Otherwise, she is quite friendly, if very skittish and sad looking, around me.

It's funny how in the last five weeks she's gone from telling everyone she was happy!!! all the time, now to not so much. The last couple of times I've seen her or we talked on the phone about something having to do with the kids, she makes it a point to say "I've been better", or "I'm okay...I guess", the happy!!! seems to have faded for now, at least with me. Sometimes I wonder if she is worried about me and acting a little down, but it's been like this for a while. I imagine she is lonely as she's driven her best friend away and said recently her other good friend doesn't seem to get her now at all. Duh. I don't want her to be unhappy.

I'm getting to the point where I don't want her back above all else. I'm worried about her and I want her to find herself again, be happy again, reconnect with family and friends again, without me if necessary. Without me is not how I want it, not now anyway, but she has a LOT of work to do. Stuff she's avoided for 25 years, and I can do nothing to help.

Alright, enough sad sacking, more GAL. I just got back from bowling with the kids. D15 is getting really good and enjoys it. I joined a Tues. night league and decided I need my own ball dang it! I'm waiting for them to finish drilling holes right now. And Rocky Horror tomorrow night!