Oh, I'm not suggesting it makes for a healthy M, this ask/decline/accept/withdraw pattern. In fact, continuously ignoring your spouse's requests is a sure recipe for failure. But I think people understand this dynamic in general or no one would ever get past the first date. The fact that they do shows they're capable of it. So what happens after M?
I've had this sticky on my desktop for a long time now. I think it's perfect for this:
"Arguing is a sign that one or both people in the relationship are unable to grasp the rights, boundaries and feelings of the other person. At least one of you is unfit for a relationship."
If we respect the other person's boundaries, for example their right to say "no" to a request, how can we ever have an argument? How could anything progress to anything even resembling nagging?
At the same time, if someone did something before M, while dating, in order to "catch" their S, why wouldn't they realize they still need to do it to "keep" their S?
For my needs, I asked my H, I asked him clearly, I asked him multiple times. He always had excuses but the bottomline answer was "no." As a result, our M is likely over. I knew it was happening, but I also knew I couldn't save it by myself, and didn't believe I had the right/ability to "make" him meet my needs.
I'm curious, when you asked but then "let it go," did you feel like your M was failing? Or were you simply fine with it?
