It's an interesting discussion, CV. I agree... in part.
Do we have the right to demand anything of anyone? No. And there are certain boundaries that are hard stops. I loved a man who also wanted children but I know that I would not be able to do that for him. Did I have the right to ask him to compromise his dreams? Especially ones that big? No. It hurt like hell to watch him go. But there are certain incompatibilities that probably should not be resolved as they will bring resentment later on. And truthfully, he is happier now and that makes me very happy to see him happy and pursuing his dreams.
HOWEVER, there is compromise. And that is a bit different than demanding. It's very nice that you were able to carry on with your activities without your H... You did the right thing. His unwillingness to compromise, however, clearly caused a wedge. Gardening with someone or going on a float trip with someone is very very different than giving up on one's dream to have children or demanding of another who does not want children to have them. If each person in a marriage is engaged in separate activities, then where exactly is the bonding? So while it is right that one cannot demand of another to bend to their will, you are still left with a R that does not work. Each person has simply gone to their own corner.
I have sat here and thought long and hard about your second to last sentence. Where's the line? I mean when is it coercion and when is it simply dialogue about our needs? I mean I'm not sure it is simply enough to say, "Hey I want you to garden with me," and let it go after they say no. Especially after the answer is always no when it comes to our own interests. There needs to be more dialogue after that. Now, I agree that you are fairly convinced you have had that dialogue and with no success. But many of us, me included, never really had that dialogue. I would ask and let it go without any further dialogue.
It will ALWAYS get to a point in a R that compromise needs to happen. And that compromise can't happen without some type of meaningful dialogue. I guess the question for me become where's that line between nagging and meaningful dialogue?
