Living, Getting the Paperwork Started (20 months)

[adinva]

Thanks for all the love and support! It is so much easier for me to give and receive it in an anonymous forum, in writing, than in person. I don't know what I would have done without this site - it keeps me on the track I think I should be on.

I don't know that I would run it by H (BIL talking about drugs) versus mention it to him if we have a conversation going already. I am trying in DB fashion to let H take the lead on all contact, unless it is necessary and about the kids. I think that comes under the heading of not necessary but about the kids, so I'm not coming forward with it. It may not happen anyway. H has had little respect for his brother, who used to get stoned with his friends while babysitting H. H also doesn't respect overweight people, and their whole family is overweight. H also doesn't really feel close because they aren't quite as well off (there have been times BIL has been missing a tooth in front and let it go for a while) and more religious (any day of the week we might have wanted to get together they had this church function or that church function, which now makes sense given how accepted they felt by their family). Anyway, just not a close relationship. But the drugs were a teenage thing and BIL certainly can talk about how much they might seem fun but also the downside.

Since H did not EVER do any kind of a drug, or tobacco, almost never drank at all, always worked out, always ate right, never didn't do his homework, never skipped school, never did anything that wasn't smart by adult standards, it's going to be hard for him to have credibility when he looks down on S15 for the bad choices he's making.

Anyway, IC had suggested we try to find a recovering addict or a substance abuse counselor to talk to S15, and H was on board with that but we didn't identify anyone yet. IF BIL ends up offering, and IF it ends up happening, it could be good for S15.