I hope you don't think I don't empathize with your pain, because I do. For two years I have felt exactly the same way you do now. How can he treat me like that? How could he be so cold and sleep for 8 of the 13 hrs. while I was in labor with HIS son? How could he not even say hi to me when he comes or calls? How could he just ignore me while going out of his way to please OW? How can he tell his family to not invite me while he forces them to invite OW?
How can he not see that we are not setting a good example for our kids by treating me like I am invisible????
The thing is, Busting that all of this thinking only made me more and more ANGRY. None of it made him change the way he treats me. The more angry I got, the more it showed, even if I could swear to you here that I was acting "as if" in front of him. The resentment seeped through all my interactions and just perpetuated the cycle of our indifferent and bad relationship.
I tried to talk to him about co-parenting, I tried to convince him that I wanted to be friends, I tried to reach out, I tried to stay away, I tried EVERYTHING I could think of and nothing changed his attitude towards me. Why? Because right now, he is simply not thinking about me. He is just thinking about his life and his interests and I am not one of them.
I get it now. It's NOT ABOUT ME (OR YOU). So my anger is gone. Is that detachment? I think so, because things have been looking up A LOT lately. I just don't worry about what he thinks of me, if he says hi, if he smiles, if he doesn't. I treat him with kindness now because that is who I want to be, not because of what he says or does or because I want something back. Is that acceptance of what is? I think so.
And you know what? He is SOMETIMES nice to me now. I am now thinking that perhaps all my mind-reading about his intentions towards me and how he wanted to hurt me, etc., may have been unfounded. He just doesn't see me as more than an acquaintance he wants to be civil to and I had failed to accept that.
Yet it has taken me over 2 years to get here and these were painful times all around. I see now how I let my hurt and lack of detachment from him affect ME and make me even more angry and stuck about my situation and lack of "progress" in it.
What I am trying to say is that you can wonder and decry how bad and not cool his behavior is, but like bug says, you can't change that and the more you spin your wheels, the more resentful YOU will become. Don't fall into that trap. HE IS NOT WORTH IT AT THIS TIME AND YOU ARE WORTH MORE THAN THAT.
I am so sorry to hear you in such pain. I feel it and I wish my words can help you or at least give you some solace that this too will pass.
I love you, sweet friend. ((((Busting))))
KG, I get you. I do get you. And your words to offer me solace to the pain. thank you xxx I don't want to be angry, sad or hurt by him anymore. I do not want to be resentful.
I want to be able to treat him with kindness, yet when he is so cold how do i get a chance to do that? Today when he called (to speak to the kids...I told him they were not home..which was true...) it was 42 seconds on the phone. It was all 'ok, take care...bye!'. and my feeble response was 'ok, bye;.
You know? I just want to live my life.I want the M to work but I don't think it will. So I just want to live my life without my H if that is what is meant to be. I don't know what is meant to be because I want my H back, yet he makes no signs of R. So we go back to our teachings... Act as if, GAL and 180's
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
