Living, Getting the Paperwork Started (20 months)

[keep_going]

Hi Ad,

I have been following your discussion / conversations here and with 25 about your teenage kids - the age-related struggles, the challenges of the family situation, how to help them, their R with their dad... There are really some tough challenges to what you guys have to deal with and I can't really say much because I have toddlers and a baby. Yet, I can still admire your dedication and focus in trying to understand and deal with some tough issues.

Regarding the R of your son with his dad like you said, a good argument could be made for both trying to be involved and trying to model some good family behaviors for the kids or to stay out of that dynamic and let your son and your H forge their own R based on the new family circumstances.

Perhaps the answer in some scenarios might be one, and in another situation, the complete opposite. Yet you are someone who is always trying to look inward and find honesty in your intentions and that is all you can ask for when deciding what stance to take.

Our children didn't come with a parenting manual in-hand and we will mess up many times, regardless of our best intentions. I am trying to be ok with that.

The trip offer seems like a tricky issue because you have to consider not only the benefits/drawbacks it can cause for your kids, but also for you. Where are you emotionally with it, what is best for you and what are you comfortable with. Fortunately, you don't have to decide today and if you are patient and just let it be, the answer will become apparent to you naturally. (Easier said than done, though.)


Ad, I am really glad to hear you had a good get-together with your SIL. I have had a couple of exchanges like that with my own SILs and I am so grateful to be able to continue having a R with them regardless of my M status because we truly love each other.

Something you said resonated with me. As you know, I identify greatly with your personality, way of thinking and some of the personal challenges you have struggled with:

"It still makes me cry because I'm uncomfortable with the idea of needing help or wanting help and unaccustomed to the possibility that anyone might even be interested in helping really."

This ^^^^^ I totally relate to. I have been trying to let go, be more humble and be ok with the idea of needing help and more importantly, being willing to accept it - be it with something small or big. It's not been easy for me, but I do feel much relief when I am able to reach out and let others help or even just be there for me. I just want it to become natural for me.


Ad, hang in there - all these issues will sort themselves out with time. Remember to take care of yourself as well.

I send you a big hug and my support.
((((((Ad)))))))