People have spent hours to get through to you, and yet you still choose to ignore almost everything that's been posted to you. I will not spend too much time, because I'm sure that will go in one ear, and out the other, but here it goes.
My first reaction to reading your thread was "wow, is this guy for real?". Then I took a step back and decided to give you a slight benefit of the doubt. I think there could be cultural issues that are lost in translation. It doesn't mean if it's right or wrong, it just means it's different and should be looked at from a different angle. There is also a lot of immature thinking going on on your end. Without going into detail, regardless of how you were brought up and what your thoughts about woman's and man's roles are in a marriage and parenthood, you have a chance to grow and improve. And I would urge you to take that chance.
Right now, forget your W and saving your M, you need to save yourself (not because you are a victim, but because you have a chance to be a better you). Your W should be the least of your priorities. She does not deserve you in your current state, no woman does. No more thoughts about "winning" her back, no more scoring brownie points, no more mind reading and projecting.
For the immediate future, focus on growing as a person and as a father, and learn to co-parent your S.
If you think parenting is about making monkey faces and being "buddies", and just playing and having fun....you have a loooong way to go, but take the steps nonetheless. Your S is still young and it is not too late for you to be an influence in his life. The question is, what kind of influence do you want to be on him? What kind of role model do you want to be?
You want 50/50 custody, but it doesn't look like it will happen right now. And frankly, I don't think you are fit to care for a small child for such a long period of time RIGHT NOW. Keep that as your goal and work towards it. But for now, use whatever little time you can get with him, because you are still making a big influence on his life.
You are upset about your W taking away your "rights" to see him. Prove to your W (without telling her or keeping score) that you can be a father who can be trusted, and more importantly - prove it to yourself. Prove to the courts that you deserve to have your son in your life for the time you want him. Because right now, she doesn't trust you one bit, and it could take a long time to gain that trust. Are you in for the long haul? Because your last post makes it sounds like you're giving up.
If she wants you to come get him, then quit whining and go get him. Show her that you are serious about being there for your S, and not only because you feel it's your "right".
Your "buddy/buddy" R with your S will not be just that. You will have to learn how to be a parent. You need to learn about proper nutrition, hygiene, caring for a sick child, disciplining, teaching, etc. I'm not blaming you for not having these skills right now, but make time to learn about them. Some of it you will learn "on the job", and some of it you can read up on to get a perspective.
I get it that it is a very difficult and emotional time for you, but do acknowledge what people have written to you. Read it again and again. And if you don't understand something, then ask....don't just ignore them.
You keep talking about what's fair and not fair. Life is "not fair". Accept it. Deal with it. Make the best of it.
