In DB/DR, the premise is you have to win back your spouse love and respect from the OP, not control them. why should it change when you get to piecing?
Because, the dynamic is totally different -- even opposite. Before, a wayward spouse would be "That's rich . . . you're telling me what it's going to take to get back together with you; who said I wanted to get back together??!"
In just about every successful "piecing" situation I've seen, it is the formerly-wayward spouse coming to the betrayed spouse and asking "What's it going to take to work at this, and for me to come back to the marriage?" When that happens, a betrayed spouse VERY MUCH should communicate what they need, because it's a moment of maximum leverage they may never get again, and it's "speak now or forever hold your peace," baby.
It's not "controlling" to communicate what YOU need in a relationship. In fact, it's loving and honest.
