My general advice with a strong-willed person like your wife is just to give them a "This is YOUR mess, YOU need to clean it up" . . . and let HER show YOU what she's willing to do (change her cellphone #, etc.).
In other words, I don't like any approach that plays it down the middle. Either communicate what YOUR dealbreakers are, and hold steadfast to them (after all, they're YOUR boundaries, right?) . . . or do the generic "put the ball in her court" thing I mention above. And either those efforts she does will be sufficient for you . . . or they won't.
