It is not "controlling" to communicate to your wife what YOU need in order to feel safe in the relationship again, considering her prior infidelity.
As for the std panel, I'm a little unclear: if her other medical tests INCLUDED an std panel, then just ask for copies showing that she has a clean bill of health. If not, I would tell her you need this in order to resume sexual relations with her, considering, and that you very much WANT to and look forward to that again.
