Less lonely, not scared..low on patience

[JBolt]

Wow FY, rH, MM, thanks for your understanding replies and always helpful advice! I half expected folks to get on this thread and call me out for being a big cry baby (nervously looking at you 25yearsmlc). It's just all so confusing. I know that 4 months from BD is a ridiculously short time in the grand scheme of things, particularly in a 25 year R and the typical MLC timeline, but a growing part of me wonders what a future R with W might potentially even look like and based on some accounts of people heading toward or in piecing, it ain't lookin pretty. Never being able to trust her again, walking on eggshells, feeling like I was her second choice all those years ago because she still believes it, being overjoyed for any scraps of basic human kindness or decency shown my way, maybe feeling like my emotions and needs come last or risk her rejecting me again. That sounds like cr@p and it comes after months, if not years, of listening too and validating what is 90% the most painful and ridiculous nonsense and with no idea if she will ever beam back to earth again. I am not as strong as some of you. I have always avoided negative people, who has the time, and now I am married to arguably the most negative feeling person ever (towards me anyway). I don't want a R with zombie wife, not even a friendship. I'm sorry about that, but it's true. There is just too much pain.