My wife (40) and I (42) have been together almost 20 years and we have 3 children (12, 10 and 7).
After spending 17 years in my home country we decided to up the family and move to her home country confident that the bond and love for each other would survive whatever would be thrown at us (including my inability to speak my wife's native language). We didn't take this decision lightly. It took us 2-3 years to pluck up the courage to do it.
My wife was always a gregarious person although she was a little shy and with a desire to stay out of the spotlight. I was a similar person but more of a loner.
So, we move to my wife's country and for the first year everything is fine. In the 2nd year I start having problems. My inability to find solid work, my wife's gregariousness and, despite my efforts, the language barrier lead me to start behaving in a jealous and bitter way. On a number of occasions I embarrassed her in front of her friends. Although I didn't know at the time I suppose I was using a form of "stockholm syndrom" on her. I was so afraid of losing her I was constantly mean. I just took her love for granted.
After a year of this things had come to a head and I went back to my homeland, alone, in order to sort myself out. The month I was there did the trick. I came back "cured". My near nervous breakdown had been averted in the nick of time.
However, I was becoming more and more nervous as the month wore on as my wife became more and more distant. This distance culminated with my wife writing to me, the day before I was due to return to her and the children, to say that she didn't love me, had started an affair within a week of my leaving and that she didn't want to be with my anymore. Naturally, I was devastated but my new found optimism and the love I have for my wife and children meant that I wasn't going to give up on my marriage that easily so I went back the next day as planned.
That was 6 months ago and the time since then has been a living hell for me.
My wife, who is 40, has taken to wearing very suggestive clothes, flirts constantly with other men, is still involved in her PA and appears to be in an EA with another or perhaps the same man. She goes to the pub 2 or 3 times a week and sometimes stays out until 6 o'clock in the morning (when she wouldn't go out to the pub at all before). On New Year's Day she was out until 8. When she's not in the pub at night she lies on the couch listening to music with complete disinterest in the children (and, of course, myself). She has become cold and distant to all of us and only perks up when it's time to go out alone.
As I write this I believe I am trying to convince myself that she is in a MLC when it appears that I have, with my very bad behaviour, pushed her love away.
The last 6 months have been dreadful. I have tried to reason with her but to no avail. She wants a trial separation but she never mentions it unless I bring up our relationship. I haven't, as yet, got DB (waiting on the post) so I don't know if what I'm doing is right (is it truly possible to know). I have been doing the 180 for a few days and my mood has improved immeasurably. My day only comes alive when the children are home.
I must admit that the timelines aren't complete. My mind is so addled that I cannot remember when things started to happen (in terms of her possible MLC). All I know is when my mother came over she was shocked at the change in my wife and her attitude towards her.
If anyone can give me any insight I'd be most grateful even if it is only to tell me that I deserved what I've got. Thanks.
Me: 42 W: 40 M: 18 T: 20 D13 D10 S7 BD: 8/2012 Still living together
