shelly and l'infidele - yes, I totally agree. but after the conversation with my DB coach, I basically went back to the chapters in DR about how to change the marriage, and what if the spouse is not ready yet to make the change. and the answer is - set "baby step" goals, etc. so I am going to work from that direction before giving up and going the other route. I agree that his behavior is suspicious. but he is not all bad. there are good things that he does too. so after 40 years I am going to make every effort to repair our marriage, before giving up.
