So here I am in the thick of it...battling w/trust issues, and desire to manipulate.
W texted to see if I knew when settlement would be. I did not, called banker to get estimate.
Yesterday he told me it might be thursday...valentines day...thought well at least it will ruin it for OM, if that's still going on.
Meanwhile we had short convo about W lab work being $400...way more than usual for her thyroid check.
Then she went back to when for settlement. Told her banker said thurs, fri, or weekend, why? She said she wanted to make sure she was off.
I got suspicious...(that she has plans she doesnt want me to know about) said well you are off th and fri evening and don't work weekends...
She said dr fri eve, C Saturday morning.
I asked what times.
She said available thurs after 530, fri before 330, sat after 1230.
I asked what about fri after dr.
She said have plans to have dinner with ladies from work. Have fri afternoon off.
I have not texted back. In this instance my desire to control is rooted in that I am suspicious and don't trust what she is saying. I see several contradictions. Complaining about medical bill, yet going out Friday. 1st it was dr appt in evening, now dinner with ladies. I suspect it's not with ladies.
I know I am a schmuck for thinking like this...but what if I'm right...I guess I couldn't stand to know...but hate to feel I'm being played for a fool, again.
If I confront, it won't go well either way. So I'm not. If I manipulate, say, "well I have plans too, but if that's the time I plan on being available", then what have I shown I learned....nothing.
If I say, "for some reason thought you were being evasive, and I felt uncomfortable with that (fearful about that)"... If I'm wrong....
I have to trust that she is committed to C and our other positives.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
Funny thing is, I wanted, prayed for a chance to let her set a boundary, and react well to it.
One with no emotional complications would be easier.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
Changed the subject completely, to my early interview tomorrow morning. Hopefully she didn't read into my thoughts.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
How funny: Ive been studying Boundaries, Boundaries In Marriage, and the Boundaries Workbook.
I came downstairs this morning to find that the cat has shat on the Boundaries Workbook...guess that's what he thinks about it. Or is he just following my example?
If I ever become a comedian like 25, there might be a bit here!
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
I came downstairs this morning to find that the cat has shat on the Boundaries Workbook...guess that's what he thinks about it. Or is he just following my example?
I will see W tomorrow for first time in 14 days. Home refi is FINALLY settling.
I have been trying to respect her boundaries and her space and what she said at our last meet by not initiating contact.
Contact has been pretty regular...some days on and off all day, some once or twice, some not at all. This would be the amount I would expect to be "normal" depending on the workload of each.
There have been no cross words. I have not asked for anything at all. I need to work on not manipulating when I ask. The stakes are just so high in my mind right now.
So I guess treat her as if I'm really detached.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
We settled on home refi. One of the documents was "intention to stay married" which she smiled as she signed...:)
As expected, W discussed her C sessions, which allowed me to talk some about what I've learned of boundaries.
At one point, not in the thick of R talk, W commented she could see I was "healing". Which is what I want her to see.
I think things are going well. I was able to let her leave without trying to get more time. I feel good about this encounter.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
That's what the notary said it was. I didn't read it. I will look for it in my copies in the morning and post the details.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
It's called "continuous marriage affidavit". It's not quite what we were led to believe. Summary:
As of settlement date we are legally married to each other
We have at all times been so since 8/1/2001 (no idea why this date)
we understand this statement of marriage is being relied upon by xxx title company
we indemnify and hold harmless xxx title company for all claims...etc that may arise as a result of any falsehood as to our marital status.
What the notary said as she handed it to me was "This signifies your intention to stay continuously married to each other" I was tempted, for a split second, to sign with a huge flourish and drama W, as I said, seemed happy to sign it.
Me 46 W 43 S 21 D 18 S 17 M 22 yrs Discovered OM 9/10/12 W moved to sister's 9/15/12 W moved to OM 9/27/12 Tried to DB until 7/13 W filed 10/7/13. Did not serve. I counter filed 12/2/13.
W, as I said, seemed happy to sign it.