years later

[forward]

I'm engaged to New Guy! It is exciting...perhaps a bit overwhelming as this will be a busy year, moving, etc..

I didn't share this w/X. I had mentioned last year that this would probably happen, but no need to say anything now, until we have wedding date. X is scheduled for another surgery and sounds sad. He again seems to not be able to escape from my presence quickly enough and he doesn't answer some of my emails. I don't know what's going on with him but find that I tend to think of his negative qualities when I think of him.

I'm finding that the idea of M again is a little intimidating. I shared this w/New Guy, and he understands. What makes it different is that his M was hard from beginning--whereas mine had an abrupt end and a lot of grieving.

I have also shared with New Guy the pain of being abandoned--the pain of feeling that it was somehow my fault. At the same time, while I do think about that, I realize that I spent a good three years alone and I did pretty well. I worked hard in those three years, making new friends and trying new things, and was proud of my independence.

I am on here probably too long, but coming here is a bit of a habit and I do follow people's stories. I kind of want to see what happens to the MLCs

I suppose I'm not really a success story in the way that most people who are here want to be, but sometimes the success you get isn't what you expect.