WAW being super nice. What does it mean?

[25yearsmlc]

SANDI WROTE:

no sex b/c
"Different people have different POV, and it's difficult for a lot of men not to succumb to his WAW who is all nicey-nice. Don't trust her enough to risk your health if she's been with OM. If you don't know "if" she's been with him......don't take chances. No sex is worth that much! Wait it out until you find answers.

That's my opinion."

And it's a valid opinion. But it's not always "THE" DB opinion.

My DB coach said "there are different points of view". Some would argue that "no man ever went home to the great sex he NEVER had with his wife."

But My neighbor took Sandi's view (albeit with a punitive spin). She insisted that I "cut h off sex, now!" b/c he had left...

After reflecting a bit, I realized my neighbor was a married woman in a miserable marriage. She has the affliction of needing to be "right" in her sad marriage. I KNEW her advice might have been well meant, but it was not coming from a healthy place... and

I also know my h's love language is touch and sex is how he felt connected.

My DB coach gave me some criteria...

Determine these things.

1) Is there another person also having sex with your spouse? IF so, what type of person?

(In my case, I felt & still feel that my h would not, given his "health nut" status, sleep with someone likely to have an STD. He's not the type even when he was in his MLC.

Sure I could be wrong. I concede the possibility. I know I didn't sleep with anyone, but I did date & I did find a man I dated to be attractive.

Since I didn't sleep w/OP, even though I had the opportunity, I feel like I have to believe my h when he says he did not either. ALso, most of the dating tended to remind me of how well suited h and I are for each other. He seemed to discover the same.

2) how would YOU FEEL afterwards, if an immediate recon did not happen? Meaning, I think, would you feel used, or closer to the spouse?

IOW, Is this something you can handle?

and

3) what was the role of sex IN the marriage? Was it a strength of the r, a spicey element that helps your spouse feel more connected?


AND OR

did it become THE reason the WAS left, (so that now you feel you have to show change?)

Finally, and this is KEY and hugely important...

Please Do Not let anyone here, including me, tell you what to do

or not do in this most intimate & private of matters.

Don't let them berate you for your choice. IF the DB coaches say that "it depends", then it depends.

None of this means you can't get an STD test.

A single friend of mine who "always asks for test results" from prospective sex partners,

(my reaction to that just shows how little I dated lately, b/c that was such a weird thing to hear her say...)

says she offers to go WITH the person for the test and takes one too, like it's a form of foreplay.
Hey...different strokes...