I'm with AS. There is a big difference between detaching & LRM. I too helped my H get his stuff together. I was kind & loving, but no R talk (unless he brought it up, and I tried to just listen). Pull back means this to me (look at sandi's sticky!!) don't floor W around the house, don't ask her on dates, if you were the one to start conversations let her start them.

When H moved out is when my real detachment has started.

You can do this!

M: 9 yrs
T: 13 yrs
H:34 Me:35, S4, D2, S 7 months
Dday 11/12-PA & multiple PAs
Dbing 12/12
S 1/13
7/13 H moved back in basement.
8/13 #3 born
10/13 still cheating
10/13 He moves across country, I file for D