I did start these changes for her to save my marriage but I continue them because they are making me a better person. I even have a goal for myself, I entered into the Tough Mudder competition (google/youtube it), to prove that I can overcome that obstacle course to myself and no one else. And yes, before you question me it will be nice to have the bragging right of saying "I did that. It was tough but I overcame it." I still want to show her I am a different person than what she remembers. Not because of her, but because I made the choice to continue these changes for myself. I think she thinks I made these for her, which in the beginning I did, but now I have kept them going for myself because they are important to me.
The only reason I think she is playing games is because she will say something to me one minute and then at the last second change her mind on me. At one point she didn't want me moving out to Colorado (last week actually) and this was after I hired my replacement for my current position, already set in motion my internal transfer to a new position in Colorado, and set up the date for the movers. That's a lot of peoples lives that she was just willing to disregard all because she got anxious. I do see what you are saying, though.
What I meant by it being harder relates a little to what is above. I do not like surprises and I do not know which wife is going to show up from day to day. I don't want to (possibly) have a date or friends over to my place and have her knock on my door demanding I do something crazy at the last minute all because she's nervous or anxious. It wouldn't look good for her, and she's a good person. There is also the scenario where we start walking the dogs together, or maybe going out on dates. That would be a good surprise. So I am more nervous about any surprises I might find when the move is started and completed along with the typical stress of packing everything up, moving 1500 miles, and starting a semi-new position (I got a small promotion which may lead to a bigger promotion by the end of March).
As for my self esteem and self worth, I feel that I am confident enough in those areas to continue to work through this. Do I still have areas that I need to work on? Of course I do, I am not perfect, never will be but that doesn't mean I will stop these changes. I plan to continue these changes.
I will nix the "guideline" talk and just enjoy a nice dinner with her. I see your point on that one as well, plus it will be less stressful for both of us and maybe even open up a new doorway for us to explore.
One nice thing that I have learned from this is that we did put her and her career on a pedestal, so we focused on those things and I did put some of my dreams on hold for her while we struggled to find stability in an area (This will be the 10th move in just under 6 years). Now, I am free to pursue whatever I want to my heart's content. So when I get to Colorado I plan on taking up rock climbing again, along with training for the Tough Mudder. I also have always wanted to teach highschool physics so I will also be looking into a program nearby and see what courses I would have to take to complete that degree.
MrBond, you have been a voice of clarity for me and I want to thank you for taking the time for me and my relationship. I appreciate your insight and helping to keep me on a path of recovery and possibly saving my marriage.
