I can point to a couple of "crazy moments" in these last couple of posts. Granted, I realize that they're just opinions, but when the opinions are completely opposing, it leaves my head spinning so that I don't know which way is up. There are many things in my life that I'm confident about, because I know at least something or even a fair amount about the subject; I've had experience that proves one way or the other. But I don't have that experience/comparison with M. I've never been M'd before. And most people don't wear their problems on their sleeves so you can relate to whether your sitch is "normal" or not. I have no experience with ADD, don't know anyone diagnosed that I could talk to about it (doesn't mean they weren't diagnosed, but again, not wearing their diagnosis openly for me to know.) So I guess I'm easily confused on things like that when I'm told different "facts" which aren't easily proven one way or the other.
The other thing I struggle with is how to apply the fact that people are just different. My H is a slob. He says he doesn't like it, but doesn't do anything about it. Can I really say he's "wrong" because he chooses to live that way? I CAN say I don't like living with it. Is the fact that I don't like it grounds for D? H would tell you I'm a perfectionist and he doesn't like living with my tidy and organized requirements. I KNOW I'm not a perfectionist, I've actually looked into it. And H would tell you he's not a slob, just a normally occasionally messy person. So who's right? How do I know if I'm being reasonable or not? And this is not a debate about who's right or wrong, but trying to determine what is an acceptable way to live.
H and I also think very differently. More than just I like tidy and he could care less. I think linear. He doesn't. I don't know how he thinks to even describe it. An example: one of the reasons why sex is off the table right now is that I'm simply tired of it being all about him. I've tried to instruct him, but again, he just can't remember from one time to the next. Long story short, I told him I'm tired of unsatisfying sex and he needed to go see a sex therapist since I didn't seem to have the ability to teach him. So he went. He spent the whole time talking about our R. She's the one that told him that I should do the mail since I'm better at it. So, I think to myself... If I was paying $160 for someone to explain to me how to please my H sexually, I can't imagine being content with a suggestion that HE should pick up more household responsibility; that that would in any way be an answer to my question of how to appease my H's sexual needs. But that's what he came away with and delivered to me. So I guess after I go through the mail this evening, I should expect that my sexual needs will be completely satisfied with sex still being all about my H? Okay, sorry, but that makes me feel crazy. Trying to understand him and empathize and make something rational out of it hurts my head.
As for seeing someone, I guess since I haven't followed him to the counselor's office, I can't actually say for sure. He has invited me to join him, but I haven't wanted to. Besides, the timing of his appts wouldn't have ever worked out anyway. He said he was trying some prescriptions for ADD. Said the first one gave him a low-grade headache and didn't improve anything. Says he's on another now but that he doesn't notice anything on it either. His GP told him that if he had ADD, then the prescription would be like a fog being lifted. H says he hasn't experienced anything like that. So now what? I'm not qualified to diagnose or prescribe. What if he doesn't even have it? I'm just left with a person that exhibits all the negative symptoms with nothing that can be done about it.
