My W is - I am not. Both her brother (three times) and sister (1 time) have divorced their spouses.
Originally Posted By: Grizz
As far as the phone goes.... I started out thinking that she was in an A. I did snoop but found nothing exciting. I then thought there was no way she was having an A. No time, no evidence etc. Now, I truly don't know. She is on the phone all of the time. I do know she texts with her friends alot. I also know alot is about us. This also really gets to me knowing that her friends know more about our issues and her feelings than I do. It has been forever since I have snooped. That is good and bad for me. It definitely reads to mind reading for me which is awful. But if it does turn out that there is/was an A, I can't say that I wouldn't be surprised given the events of the past 6 months. (Prior to the past 6 months though I would say that I would be beyond surprised if my W was having an A)
This definitely brings back memories... bad ones. I snooped as well. While I didn't find real proof, I found enough to make me not trust the situation as she was trying to tell me it was.
W used to respond as describe in earlier posts. She still has a screen lock on her iPhone. She claims that she has conversations with her friends about their personal lives that nobody else needs to know about - yet also claims she deletes text messages as she gets them now. Either way, my response is always the same - I don't respond to that at all. I just figure that if I don't dignify the comment with a response, she'll eventually figure out that while I may have a problem with the the appearance of keeping secrets, I no longer care about what's on her phone and maybe she'll drop the issue altogether. (I know that sounds contradictory...)
Originally Posted By: Grizz
I have posed the question to myself: Do you trust your wife? The answer to this is huge for a marriage. Prior to 6 months ago I most definitely would have said yes. Today, I am not sure. I don't think it comes from the phone issues however. It is more from being so deeply hurt by my W. If that is added to the phone issues, talking with others about us and generally not sharing her everyday life with me it all adds up to a feeling of distrust for me. If by some miracle we are able to move on from this, that is something that I am really going to need to work on and get over. It is going to be hard but I also feel that it will be worth the work.
I hear you. Rebuilding the trust is difficult. I've been working on that for 9 months - well I guess both of us have since she said her trust was violated by me looking at her phone. I don't know if it's recoverable. But, I really do have an issue with the transparency thing...
Originally Posted By: Grizz
My emotions have been all over the place today. Sad, angry, crying, hopeless all for no specific reason. What a long haul this is with no real confirmation/affirmation that what I am doing is the right thing. Oh well, press on Grizz, press on.
