RockJC and Jayhawk1970, how is the 50/50 sharing of custody during the separation working out for everyone? I'm very curious because that's what W is proposing we'd do if we split. I have to think it would be hard on the kids to essentially have two houses without a single place to really call home, but at the same time I'll be relieved to avoid a custody battle (that I'd probably lose) and I'll appreciate continuing to be such a prominent part of their lives.
Grizz, I really feel for you. Having to confront the question "do you trust your wife," especially in this context is profoundly disillusioning. These are the times that really test a person, and your W is not making it any easier on you with the back and forth that she's exhibiting. You really have to do everything possible to detach. It's really the only way to preserve your sanity. For me that's been difficult since my excessive and increasing detachment over the years was part of the problem that brought the M to where it is, so for me the 180 was being less detached. But I'm recognizing now that it's about "loving detachment" - essentially giving her space to work things out with her still recognizing that you love her, then taking advantage of that space yourself to work on you and get back in touch with the things that you've always liked to do for yourself. Much easier said than done of course, and you might want to consider IC if you haven't already. That could be a good outlet to manage the resentment and hurt without bringing it to W in ways that would be counter-productive in the current state of things.
I have to say, it's kind of funny to hear myself giving advice on this stuff in my current situation. It's a bit like the blind leading the blind. But this is a process, and I have to say that the 180 approach has helped me feel better about myself, even while everything else is going to hell. You're fighting the good fight.
