sam, People in crisis don't always reach out to others especially when they are ill or there is a death in the family. They tend to try to avoid those things because it reminds them of mortality.
Keep your expectations at zero. I think you were expecting her to contact your father and offer condolences. The pre-crisis woman would have done that, but the crisis woman will not. It makes sense to us because we have dealt w/mlcers. Your father won't understand this because he's most likely not had to deal w/a full blown mlcer.
Keep the focus on you and allow God to work on her.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
