I asked him WHY if he "cares me for so much" that he treats me like $hit? He said he didn't mean too but thought that if he was nice in any way that I might misread it to be him "coming back" or "regaining his feelings."
When my W was still at home she treated me like crap for a week or so. Then she came to me and said she just couldn't do it anymore. I asked her why she did and she pretty much said the same thing as your H, that she thought it would be easier for ME to accept the sitch if she treated me like dirt and she didn't want to send the wrong signals by being friendly towards me! It's just amazing how the mind of a WAS can justify things. But she felt guilty about it and said I was too nice and didn't deserve to be treated that way. Yay me, LOL!
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He is adament that his feelings for OW will not change
I'd lay money that there was a time not so long ago that he would have said the exact same thing about YOU. He's a fool if he thinks "feelings" are forever.
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I feel so defeated. I feel so hopeless.
That's OK, you deserve to feel that way a little while. Just take some time to let those feelings wash over you. But try to remember that they are just feelings. They don't control you and they don't define you. Like Michele says in DR, the person you are right now is not the real you. This person is depressed, sad, frustrated; but this is due to your sitch. The real you is still in there, you've just got to find her again.
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I'm tired of being treated like nothing. I deserve more, better. I deserve happiness, respect, and I deserve to find myself again!
You're absolutely right. And you know you're not going to get that from H, at least not for a long, long time. So you've got to seriously detach from him, you WILL find yourself and your happiness if you do
