How to make it work again?

[scaredsilly]

i don't know, CV. while i'm with him, i monitor all our accounts. he's pretty frugal, except for his D23. the trust has provisions for all financial "gifts" to our adult children to be matched for the other side. however, he scoffed at the notion that my son should be given a matching financial gift if we continued to subsidize his D23 with $500 a month. sigh...

his D23 told me a year ago that "what's his is mine", referring to her dad and everything he and i (and i alone prior to our M) have worked for. he was sitting there when she said it and failed to correct her or address it.

i think there's ways around the trust. after i'm gone, my son will not have me to look out for his interests. cash can be given to H's kids without my S knowing. the only thing he would not be able to hide would be the sale of our real estate holdings.

so, i think i'm looking at some sort of financial separation as i get older. my S would not want to get involved but i refuse to let what i've worked for all my life go to someone else's kids, especially, since they and i don't have a relationship anymore after the last five years of hell living with his adult S and D (mainly the D).

i don't think this is unique among step families. i read step forums all the time and it's all to common. there aren't the "ties that bind" that bio families have.

on a positive front, H and i are really getting along great. our pet names for each other are resurfacing, we're laughing and joking around a lot, and most of the awkwardness and hesitancy is disappearing.

i don't think we'll get back to the way it was before the living situation with his kids but i think it will be good again. i needed this to happen to me. i think my expressing my needs and boundaries is a very good thing. i have no built up resentments now. i'm not afraid to say no. H is very thoughtful of my needs now, almost to the point of nurturing. i find i miss him when he's not around.

he's not perfect but neither am i. i'm just trying to work with what we have and take care of myself, too.

thank you for looking in. i'm sorry your sitch is still quagmired.