3 Months in, Still fighting. Crunch time!

[SM34]

Cat, and also everyone else who answered my last post.

I think you have hit on something here. My entire life I have been a science guy who was also a wiz at math. Now that I think about it, it is pdrobably because there is only one answer to a problem....the correct one.

You are right that my analytical skills are probably getting in the way of me stepping back and really looking at how I can become closer to my wife, in a genuine way. I need to just be naturally, be myself, the person she fell in love with all those years ago.

My analytical mind can also become critical at times, since there is only a fine line between analytical and.critical. I need to purge that from my character.

As far as the cake eating and also the waiting for her to snap out, I am trying to.not be that way. I try to project and image of someone confident who will survive this and be fine. I think it is working somewhat because I sense she is confused by how I act. She thinks I should be wrecked and very angry and dissapointed but I am not. Or I don't act it.

As long as I see progress I am staying this course. Plus I can't fake an angry hardline approach because I think people have to get there on their own as their sitch continues.

I think ideally the hard line approach is timed well with the waning of the affair so that you are not fighting those drug addict type feelings she is having. I think she is on her way to seeing this relationship with OM for what it really is.

I went back and reread the message she wrote to her girlfriend regarding the sex because she has told.the same friend that this was THE major reason she wants out. I am sure the other reasons are factors too, but this one was a deal breaker.
Anyway, the message says 'I don't know which way I like it. H. was always gentle and OM. Is kind of rough. I