In a nutshell- BD last June; H's mother died in August; H moved out in Nov; been DBing since BD; H has been involved in EA w OW for over a year; H is "in love" w her/ not giving her up.
Sorry, I've been off the radar here for a few days. Been trying to process the latest BD from H.
On Saturday he says he "needs to talk" and tells me #1 He has no intention of giving up his apartment at the end of the 6 months (end of April); #2 He wants his "finanacial freedom" to pay his own bills & not have me be able to see his credit card spending or his cell phone calls, and #3 He is still "in love" w OW and is not willing to let his feelings change.
Quite a lot to take for me. I wasn't shocked at anything he said and I did 90% of the listening. I did cry. It hurt a lot even though it did not shock me.
I asked him WHY if he "cares me for so much" that he treats me like $hit? He said he didn't mean too but thought that if he was nice in any way that I might misread it to be him "coming back" or "regaining his feelings."
He is adament that his feelings for OW will not change and that his feelings for me (not in love) won't either. He's not willing to explore this possibility w me.
I feel so defeated. I feel so hopeless. I really don't know what's left of our M anymore anyway...just a piece of paper, really. I may be done...I just don't know anymore. It really seems like he is completely gone. For over a year now, maybe more.
But, I think HE should be the one who has to "end it" b/c he's the one that has wanted this the whole time, not me. I want him to own this to the end. I want him to say it's over.
I'm tired of being treated like nothing. I deserve more, better. I deserve happiness, respect, and I deserve to find myself again!
I find myself crying as I write this, which is why I've haven't been here in a couple of days. But now, I need help. Encouragement. Direction. Advice.
