Gonna be different now, (butterfly in hurricane).

[25yearsmlc]

Alright, you've convinced me.
I'm going for counselling with a different counsellor next week or the week after.
I have too much anger at the moment, and when I think of W, I have a knot in the stomach. This can'T be good.

I'm glad you are seeing a different counselor if the first one has only indulged your anger.

I don't get it, how life got me here. When I look outside and it's -20C, and I think it's not so bad today, something went wrong.

Bruce, I lived in Alaska for 4 LONG winters, and H would have lived there forever if he'd found the right job situation OR not decided he missed us too much.

I get how cold that is. In Alaska it's also dark for most of the hours of the day, until about now. It's too bad your w did not like France more. I'm sure you regret not making it more pleasant for her. Maybe someday it will be better to her, or maybe your son will later be able to travel there with you.

So, I called my L, and explained not so calmnly that W refused to drop or pick up S. And what we could now. Awaiting for his answer.

That's ^^ fine.

I also replied to W, saying that if she didn't want to make good to me for the time she taking S out of my visitation schedule, I wouldn't argue but it denoted her unability to cooperate. (Maybe I shouldn't have been "accusing").


OF COURSE YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THIS^^^!!! but then, you know that already.

ALL of us just told you not to contact her. You finally had the chance to show her a NON angry Bruce...but noooo you could not resist the chance to show her your annoyance. What did you gain by that? (NOTHING).

You ignore our advice A LOT and then complain when things don't go your way.

Why would she think you have changed one bit?



I also said it didn't have to be always confrontational, and since we'Re allowed to change the court order by mutual agreement it implied communication, good faith and collaboration. (try to appeal to her good side...)

I'm not even pretending that^^ can compensate for your earlier words...and we're not going to pretend it was HER being confrontational...

Of course I'll pay what I owe, and every month what I was ordered to. But in my head it's like written permission to leave me.
Unconsciously she thinks, it's awesome, I kick H out, and get paid to do it.
I don't know, maybe it's over simplicistic, but I get money as a reward for work, not for crap I do. And to me, leaving your spouse is wrong.

this stubborn pattern^^ of thought & assignment of blame, and score keeping--are all things for you to work on with your new c.

I wish you luck Bruce. I really do.

Anyways, I'll see what the counsellor says, I don't recognize myself these past few days. I don't know if C will be able to salvage anything in me now.

Bonsoir,
B.