Here we go loopty loo. Here we go loopty li.

[Raine]

Catching up on some journaling...

I had been freaking out because H had been making plans to go out of town around due date, as OW#3 would be going at the same time. He hadn't told me yet and I wasn't sure how I was going to react when he did. He was over last weekend and while he was here, his mom called to see how I was doing. I told her everyone is great. We talked for awhile and then I passed the phone to H so I could put S2 down for a nap. As I was coming back, I heard him tell her he would be going out of town around such and such time. After he got off the phone I said to him, "What do you mean you'll be leaving then?" He told me what it was for and I said "I need you then. I need you to be here until the end of the school year. You can go after that. I need your help with the kids." I was trying not to be emotional or confrontational, but I couldn't hold those build up emotions in. He said that he would change it until after then. That's all it took. Here I had it all planned in my head he would fight me on it. I apologized for having such a strong reaction. He came over and hugged me and told me he just needs me to tell him what I need. I told him I just did. This is the first time he has hugged me in two months, and I haven't initiated either. I felt relief that was all it took. I've been holding so much in. I was surprised by how much that took out of me. I kept it cool when I had to call him because my brother and his daughter caught him with OW#1 and talked to him like a friend, but this one got the best of me. Maybe because it hit too close to the baby and kids.