Times likes these...

[angel61]

I know Starsky has good advice, but its not a one size fits all type of thing.

Some people have real issues about being controlled, and my H was one of those, and so I DID NOT follow Starsky's advice but I think we are doing well now.

In DB/DR, the premise is you have to win back your spouse love and respect from the OP, not control them. why should it change when you get to piecing?

For me, one statement sufficed: I just let my H know that I will not stay in a M if he is being unfaithful. We are all grown up, he can choose either me or her.

If his choice is to cheat, and I find out, he suffers the consequence.

If he can't leave me, and the family, then no cheating.

But ultimately, we have to respect that they are adults with their own mind and choices.

and we also make our own choices, not bound by strict rules, but depending upon what we can and cannot accept in our hearts and minds, and how we view ourselves and respect ourselves as a person.