Confused by WAS

[Grizz]

My W and I are both from divorced homes. My parents divorce was very ugly. I was way too young to remember anything but I do remember the hatered that was still present as I aged. On the other hand my W parents divorce went really well. Her parents stayed in close contact, both remarried and both attended family events together all along. This is wife's view of divorce. She feels that she came through it fine so everything will be fine for our kids. She has an older sister that I feel was really affected by the divorce. I have an older brother who was definitely affected by my parents divorce. It has stayed with each of them for over 30 years. Maybe because of my personal experience I think D definitely affects children whether you want to admit it or not. You can do all of the "right things" but the kids still miss out. This is so frustrating to me that W thinks everything will come up roses.

As far as the phone goes.... I started out thinking that she was in an A. I did snoop but found nothing exciting. I then thought there was no way she was having an A. No time, no evidence etc. Now, I truly don't know. She is on the phone all of the time. I do know she texts with her friends alot. I also know alot is about us. This also really gets to me knowing that her friends know more about our issues and her feelings than I do. It has been forever since I have snooped. That is good and bad for me. It definitely reads to mind reading for me which is awful. But if it does turn out that there is/was an A, I can't say that I wouldn't be surprised given the events of the past 6 months. (Prior to the past 6 months though I would say that I would be beyond surprised if my W was having an A)

I have posed the question to myself: Do you trust your wife?
The answer to this is huge for a marriage. Prior to 6 months ago I most definitely would have said yes. Today, I am not sure. I don't think it comes from the phone issues however. It is more from being so deeply hurt by my W. If that is added to the phone issues, talking with others about us and generally not sharing her everyday life with me it all adds up to a feeling of distrust for me. If by some miracle we are able to move on from this, that is something that I am really going to need to work on and get over. It is going to be hard but I also feel that it will be worth the work.

My emotions have been all over the place today. Sad, angry, crying, hopeless all for no specific reason. What a long haul this is with no real confirmation/affirmation that what I am doing is the right thing. Oh well, press on Grizz, press on.