3 Months in, Still fighting. Crunch time!

[SM34]

MrBond

I mean I am careful not to take advise from someone who is a noob, or someone who is offering advise from a place of "bitterness" or anyone who believes they know EXACTLY what I need to do. I have learned that with some questions that Laurie asked me, she was able to devise a plan that seems to be working, at least seems to be making our interactions more positive.

All of us here on the board when giving advise, are looking at the situation through our own sitches if that makes sense. I will give you an example. A woman who's husband has cheated on her numerous times and treats her very badly, and has never shown any respect for her whether before BD or after BD. At some point she will reach a conclusion that cheating spouses are all the same. They are the same to some extent, but I think the degree to which someone cheats, the ease with which they tell lies, the way they treated you before BD, the way they treat you after BD etc.. all need to be taken into account before we can determine if they are the same.

So, that woman will come and offer a man advise (already tricky because what works for me is not at all the same as for women) about how you shouldn't allow your S any room, and that your boundaries should be so tight around you that they would drive even the most living spouse away from you. Those are good boundaries for a serial man cheater, not so good for a one time confused WAW. At least this is what I have deduced and again I might be wrong, or some may not agree with me, and perhaps later in my sitch I will see the similarities but right now I think each sitch needs to be evaluated on its own, with the characters of each person involved taken into consideration, and NOT from through the lens of our own sith or personal experience.