Because we've done counseling together for 18 years, literally. It doesn't take. H can't remember anything that was ever discussed that resulted in an action item on his part. There were many, he just doesn't retain them, which means he obviously doesn't do them either. Plus, this is basic stuff. CV: "H promises to do something and then he doesn't do it. I can't count on him for anything and I feel like he's my second child." Counselor: "Well, H, trust and dependability is important in a M. If you say you're going to do something, you need to do it." H: "I know, I know. I will from now on." But then he doesn't. Do I really need to pay someone for that? Again?
As for boundaries, H has none. That's actually one of the things he's supposedly going to counseling for, an issue he has been aware of for years. Just like his inability to match his actions to his words. What you're calling a boundary, I experience as "gimme, gimme, gimme." He does nothing for me in reciprocation for anything he wants from me. Having healthy boundaries means that he recognizes that I'm a separate and individual person, with all that that entails. He doesn't.
