It's good to be here

[Mileus]

What I'm trying to say is, your kids need you to be authentic and real. If you BS them they will not feel they have a parent left that they can be real with.

That is good advice. I'm trying to be that guy. My 19 year old was real upset and called her a whore. (To me/not to her) I told him it was OK to be mad but that she was still his mom and he needed to be calm before he talked to her. I explained that things said in anger have a way of coming back to haunt you. Unfortunately he was trying to quit smoking, so that's on hold. Still, having them lean on me makes me feel stronger and like I am in control of things even though I can only control me. Kids are awesome!!!

Very sorry to hear this. It sounds like she's making a rash decision and not thinking things through at all. That's very unfortunate. I suspect she will really regret this later.

I agree. I'm more worried for her future than mine. I have a great support system. I'm devastated now, but I know it will eventually pass. I keep telling myself that. She has been depressed and on meds for 10+ years and its been worse since her mom's suicide. I could never get her to get help. This will make it worse, but I know I need to let her go through that on her own now.

Of course you feel hopeless, your life is being turned upside down!!! It's perfectly normal to feel that way. You're going to cycle through all kinds of emotions. Don't fight the emotions, just do what you can to keep yourself busy to take your mind off of things as much as possible. Healing takes time, give yourself that time.

DBing, keeping busy (walking 2-3 miles a day now), and reading the forums have all relaxed me. I don't know how people get through this on their own.

She may be in MLC. WAS's sometimes do confusing, unexplainable things, but MLCers do absolutely crazy things. You'll often hear MLC spouses say it's like an alien has abducted their spouse's body and moved in to make it their home, the MLCer will say and do things that are completely incompatible with the person they were only days before.

I think she is. When I first found out and we were still working on us, before she decided she missed him too much, she mentioned being worried about her looks and that she felt she was getting old. And now, I don't know who she is.

Thank you both for your comments. I hope someday to be able to help others get through this.