Yeah Bond, that too. But it will be better for Intact if he can see that comment in a different light. Here's what I wrote way before lunch and forgot to submit:
((((((Intact)))))
So sorry about your dad. Last words have a way of seeming epic. But remember, never giving up on your family can mean a lot of different things. You cannot control your W, there is nothing at all that you can do to make her feel or think or act the way you want. If she leaves she leaves, and your family is your son and you, and the people you surround yourself who are healthy for you and there for you. DBing is a great way to live out "never giving up" because it provides a roadmap for being a whole person prepared to reconcile if the chance comes, and keeping the road home paved and smooth, and focusing your efforts on only the things that are within your control. Never give up, on what you have control over.
What your W said to you is pure spew, meaningless. Let it go right out the other ear. Imagine a place where she could possibly have gotten to to say something like that to a grieving son? How sad for her. The best and most compassionate and loving thing you can do - FOR YOU as well as for her and for your family - is wipe it from your memory with the realization that sometimes people just say some unimaginably wrong things. Let it go.
Your W may or may not feel conflicted, emotionally frozen, searching for justification, trying to convince herself and you that you don't belong together. Who knows what's in her head.
Empathy isn't something that strikes you like lightning, it's something you do, you practice. The fact that she chose not to, today, get outside herself and have compassion for what you're going through, does not need to have any lasting import or meaning for you if you choose to ignore it.
It doesn't make it ok, what she said. However, it doesn't help you in any way, holding onto it or giving it any credence. She's in a sad place right now, and I hope she finds her way out of it.
Take care of yourself. Think some happy thoughts about your dad, and what kind of a dad he is and what kind of a dad you are.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
