first time & need help still

[albamarie]

that's when it's the worst - it's the wierd sameness - that is not at all the "same" life in this house. does that make sense-

Perfect sense!!! It is what has pushed me over the line of waiting and wanting to going after and searching. He is a cold robot alien in my home who doesn't want to hug me, touch me or kiss me, he is only now looking into my eyes.

It is about intimacy and connectedness, caring, and sharing, and touching, whispers and warmth on a cold night and believing that he cares about my needs. The only need he has truly dedicated himself to without wavering or ever threatening is financial.

Yesterday, H was really out of his shell. He sat at the table all day, laughed at the kids goofy banter, and had a conversation with me. He saw I was about to cook asking if he could help, I came up with some odds and ends for him to do, he made the juice asking me if I want a glass now, I didn't but took his offer.

He laid down on my bed (that in it's self being weird) but before he did that he said "i will come back to the table for dinner" which he did as we were sitting. He ate everything complemented me, cleaned up a little and went back to my bed for an hour nap.

My point is Nero, they are the weirest, strangest, people we will ever know, and it is hardest that is our H's. Sit tight, and get ready for the ride or next stage h is going to take you on...because there definitely is more to come.

just always remember you can get off this ride anytime you want...if not prepare for the ride, its a rocky one.